1:43AM

Some things simply don't make sense.
It is becoming obvious to me that there are very many things that simply make absolutely no logical sense. You see, I once had strong feelings for someone, but these feelings were not reciprocated. I thought I'd let the situation go...that nothing to do with my emotions and his lack of emotions would bother me anymore.

Then his birthday came.
Then I told him, "Happy Birthday."
Then I missed him.
Then I told him that I missed him.

Big mistake.
It's fine to miss someone, completely fine.
I just never should have started moving my darn fingers and sent that message.

It's always a darn Facebook message.

The thing that perplexes me about the situation, though, is that his response still managed to strike the sound out of my mouth and cause me to fall silent for at least an hour.
I had nothing to say.
What could be said?
He asked me to get coffee with him.
Coffee.
Coffee is good...great, even.
I just don't know if I'm ready for that...
The last time I saw him, I almost ignored his existence simply for my own mental stability's sake.
Had I acknowledged his presence, I probably would have lost it.
It's no one's fault, though. We were like two trains swerving off of their own tracks that were headed directly for each other. The only catch was that we managed to miss each other by a millimeter.
We missed.
I missed.
He missed.
But in all honesty, had anything become of my little stunt last January, I probably would be in worse shape than I'm in now. We both would probably fight like a married couple; I'd hate how withdrawn he'd become, and he'd hate how I need to talk to him so much. We'd wind up broken up, never friends again, and I would probably never see him again in my entire life, which would be completely by choice.

I don't want that.
I still want him in my life.
I still love him.
I just don't love him in the way that I used to "love" him.

[I hope that] I'm okay with that.











Wednesday.