1:43AM

Some things simply don't make sense.
It is becoming obvious to me that there are very many things that simply make absolutely no logical sense. You see, I once had strong feelings for someone, but these feelings were not reciprocated. I thought I'd let the situation go...that nothing to do with my emotions and his lack of emotions would bother me anymore.

Then his birthday came.
Then I told him, "Happy Birthday."
Then I missed him.
Then I told him that I missed him.

Big mistake.
It's fine to miss someone, completely fine.
I just never should have started moving my darn fingers and sent that message.

It's always a darn Facebook message.

The thing that perplexes me about the situation, though, is that his response still managed to strike the sound out of my mouth and cause me to fall silent for at least an hour.
I had nothing to say.
What could be said?
He asked me to get coffee with him.
Coffee.
Coffee is good...great, even.
I just don't know if I'm ready for that...
The last time I saw him, I almost ignored his existence simply for my own mental stability's sake.
Had I acknowledged his presence, I probably would have lost it.
It's no one's fault, though. We were like two trains swerving off of their own tracks that were headed directly for each other. The only catch was that we managed to miss each other by a millimeter.
We missed.
I missed.
He missed.
But in all honesty, had anything become of my little stunt last January, I probably would be in worse shape than I'm in now. We both would probably fight like a married couple; I'd hate how withdrawn he'd become, and he'd hate how I need to talk to him so much. We'd wind up broken up, never friends again, and I would probably never see him again in my entire life, which would be completely by choice.

I don't want that.
I still want him in my life.
I still love him.
I just don't love him in the way that I used to "love" him.

[I hope that] I'm okay with that.











Wednesday.

Chai Tea Latte

Sitting in Panera, sipping a hot chai tea latte with one of my best friends in the entire world.
I feel as though life is infinitely better than the last time we spoke, dear.
I still have that throbbing pang of loneliness now and again...hits me like a bullet in the back, as it sneaks up on me at the most random times.
The most frustrating thing, though, I'd have to say is having these very attractive male friends who seemingly have a lot of the characteristics that I find oh-so-intriguing...but I can't get near them.
Maybe it's God's way of letting me know that there are a few good ones left...just to lift my spirits and renew my faith in humanity, which was close to drained as a result of the people with which I've come in contact in my lifetime.
Trust me.
The fact that I can believe truly and honestly that there are genuinely "good" men out there in the world is probably one of the most groundbreaking things that I've encountered.
Anyway.
I just wanted to let you know that...everything's pretty alright at this point. There are frustrations...of course there are frustrations; whose life is free of frustrations, my love?

Essentially, the focus of this blog post is to say this:
I love my life despite the angering situations that arise daily.

Thank you.









Monday.