fear. [biancatayloredition]

has a
bitter
taste
developed upon my lips
where you kissed me?
have i grown to
hate
the night we were
whatever we were?
the night you
held me
like a lost child,
wrapped arms around me
and almost didn't
let
g o ...
but you had to.

telephone.

a slow, hesitant
"hello"
was said
before you spoke your peace
on the situation.
my situation.
the situation that I created
out of silly girlish ambitions
and daydreams on a
Saturday night.
you were sweet, calm, peaceful.
never brash or rude.
the exact things i'd grown to
love
[oh no. can't say that. won't say that.]
L I K E
about you.
why we were such close
friends.
friends.
friends.
nothing more.
you want nothing more, do you?
although my desperately-searched-for answer was
never found
in you.
you
dodged the bullet
like James Bond
and I was left,
the shooter,
stunned by your
soft words
and poetic musings
that i just let it go.
"i have to go."
and i did.
i left and i didn't think about you.
and i laughed and i tried not to care about you.
even though
i know
you cared about me.
"are you alright?"
of course i am.
don't you know me better than that by now?
and i sat there in silence as you read the letter to me.
hands shaking and eyes attempting to water
for whatever reason.
shock.
fear.
sadness.
awe.
who's to say.
all i can say
is that you never really told me what i wanted to hear.
how do you f e e l about me?
how do you f e e l?
i don't care what you want right now
be it the stars, moon, sky, or all three.
i want what you feel.

MONKEYBEANS

AAAGH.
The tele is acting like it has no kind of sense right now.
I'm just gonna watch that episode of The Twilight Zone starring Carol Burnett that I DVR-ed last night and take my butt to bed.
Oh! Update!
I'm not afraid of Humanities anymore.
The exam was NOT that bad.
I hope we get them back soon because I'm the type who enjoys that instant gratification when it comes to tests and quizzes and the like.
Hopefully...it was in the B-range.
PRAYERFULLY it was in the A-range.
YessssssLord.
But still...it doesn't scare me anymore.
And for a change, things in this little life of mine are going pretty darn well for me. I have pretty much all that I need, great friends, a pretty sweet laptop, a sexy iPhone, and throughout it all, I've had MY JESUS on my side from DAY ONE.
Even before Day One I suppose...because He knew me in my mother's womb...so does that count as Day One?
Maybe even before that...
I'm confusing myself.
Moving on.
What was I saying?
Oh YEAH!
I'm happy.
Content.
Satisfied.
But still moving forward in Christ.
That's the best feeling in the world...in case you were wondering.
=]






MondayyyyyyyyyyYAYYYYYY.

iAm

so officially done with college schooling right now, it's ridiculous.
Almost so ridiculous that I almost misspelled "ridiculous."
It's that serious.
UGH.
Humanities scares the FJIWOAHFJIWEJH out of me...just the hugeness of the class and how we cover SO much stuff in like a day, it makes me want to scream like Michael and Janet.
Srsly.
My cat is freaking out right now.
Probably the manifestation of how I'm feeling right now.
Hah.
I love him.
Anyway.
I'm gonna have some veggie chips and water, watch some sort of program on the tele, and take myself to bed.

MUHNDAY.

i keep

singing loud notes to make my cat's ears go back...it makes me giggle.
I love my friends...I mean my friends. Not those people on Facebook or Myspace who you don't really know, but add anyway because they seem nice.
Not even those people who smile in your face and turn around and DOG you when you're not listening.
No.
I mean my friends. The crazy-amazing-random-beautiful people who spend time with me when I need it the most.
Yep.
I love them folks.
That just might be all that I have to say in this entry.

Wednesday.