Pretzel

I just had some ice cream, and that almost made me change my entire outlook on life. Mmm. With chocolate-covered pretzels crumbled in it.
Yes, Lord.
Of course, I shouldn't be eating things like that this late [probably should've eaten a grape instead], but hey...I'm 19. You only live once. Seize the day. Et cetera.
Anywhoo...I've been thinking about some things that I'm afraid of. Kind of like those monsters in your closet or underneath your bed that make you hesitant to get out of bed at night, even though deep inside, a part of you knows they're non-existent.
Those are the monsters in my mind right now...they're of the non-existent sort, but they've still got me hiding under my proverbial covers.
Blollywood, [Blog + Hollywood], I think I'll tell you what a few of those terrifying monsters are...hopefully to shine a bit of light upon them and scatter them into nothingness.
1. Will I ever find "The One?"
Yes, I am 19, but it's a valid thought, methinks. I feel as though I am so finnicky, so darn indecisive that the "One" will eventually walk across my path, and I'll push him to the side. Mm-mm-mm. What a shame.
I already had this conversation with Jesus...and I told Him that when He does send the husband, that he'll have to descend from a cloud and have a dove on his shoulder with the voice of God Himself saying, "This is your husband with whom I am well pleased. Be fruitful. Make babies & junk." [Yes, God would say "& junk" because He's just THAT cool.]
Once, a friend told me that when she first laid eyes on her current fiance', that she thought, "I'm gonna have his babies!"
I've never had a moment like that...I'm still waiting for it.
Then again, what would I do now, knowing exactly who my "One" is? I'm still in college...in undergrad at that. Hmm. 'Tis a lot to think about.

1 1/2. What kind of wife/mother will I be?
I don't know how to be a parent...I'm still learning how to take care of myself. How will I take care of a child [or a few...] and be an awesome wife, too?
Even the thought of being someone's wife...someone's partner for the rest of forever on Earth...scares the living daylights out of me. Having a life in my tummy scares me even more. Sheesh...sometimes, it causes me to tremble, tremble.

2. What if I don't do what I plan to do?
Sometimes, I think that God might call me to do something totally different from what I'm in school for. And if He does, how will I react to that? I mean...I can't see the future, so I really have no idea what I'm going to be doing in 10 years. I want it to involve a private practice where I counsel people...or maybe even counseling in a college or business setting...and I want it to involve a husband and a really cute house and adorably wonderful thoughts of working on a Mini-Us.
Just being honest.
But what if God wants me to be a missionary in like...China where I could get killed for even speaking the name "Jesus Christ?"
It crosses my mind from time to time.

3. I want to sing. Badly. I just want that to be my thing...however, I know, from Sister Act 2, that "Singing does not put food on the table. Singing does not pay the bills." [Unless, of course, you're Beyonce, Alicia Keys, or Mariah Carey...]
And I want to be a photographer...I have a lot of dreams, dear interweb...I really do. And I'm talented [thanks to Jesus for making me that way]...and I just want to be artistic. I do. But psychology is something I also love...and something that has a bit more of a guarantee. Not that I'm dissatisfied with psych. or anything...I just wish I could do everything.

Well...that was a long entry, and those are my thoughts at the moment.
I feel a bit better now that those monsters had a bit of light shone upon them.



Monday.